Girlfriends.

Short of self-cleaning ovens, (okay, let’s be honest… self-cleaning kitchens) nothing rates higher on a woman’s gratitude-meter than a really great girlfriend.

It’s not that male friends are bad. In fact, I’m sure every woman’s had one male in her lifetime that understands her. The truth of the matter is, when it comes down to the ins and outs of hormone surges, empowerment statements, feminine hygiene products or unexplained bloating, men don’t even compare. Do we hold this against them? We try not to. And with the help of wise women like Oprah, we even try not to resent them. Besides, if truth be told, a three-hour telephone marathon with a girlfriend can often beat a romantic dinner, hands down. It’s not the brothers’ fault. Those poor blokes are working at an estrogen producing disadvantage.

So why am I bringing this up? Well recently it was brought to my attention that despite the high value I place on my girlfriends, I apparently suck bananas when it comes to keeping my friendships at the forefront of my heavily scheduled, always-so-busy life.

My bad.

Despite that, I have amazing friends. I have friends who have developed intimate relationships with my answer machine because I rarely find time to call them back. I have friends who remember my birthday, send me endearing emails from time to time, or re-arrange their busy schedules to come visit me here in the Okanagan. I have friends who answer the phone at two o’clock in the morning because a bottle of wine has impelled me to tell them how much I really love them. These, without a doubt, are great friends.

So what’s my problem? I suppose I got off on the wrong foot when it comes to maintaining friendships. When I was sixteen, my best friend was diagnosed with leukemia. Watching her battle with and eventually succumb to the disease was an experience that is indelibly etched on who I am. Is that an excuse? Absolutely not. But it has made me fearful of developing intimate, close relationships with people. It makes me withdraw. Abandonment issues, you say? Any good therapist could tell you that.

According to the dictionary, the definition of ‘friend’ is: a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard; a person who gives assistance; a patron; a supporter; a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile. (Well, other than the odd offensive phone message, I’d say that all definitions apply. I mean, really… how many ways can a person say “Call me back!”)

Girlfriends have helped me through disastrous relationships, divorce, single parenting, financial hardship, bad jobs, new jobs, moves around the country, the death of my father, the death of a friend, health concerns, bad days, good days, and everything in between. Put that on a resume, and we’re talking about some of the most amazing people on this planet.

Girlfriends have helped me put things in perspective, peel back the hurt and angry layers, heal, focus, dream, create, forgive, balance, expand, and take risks. Friends never sugar-coat it, they tell it like it is. Friends challenge me to be a bigger, better person with bigger, better dreams. Whether they’ve been a friend for 25 years or 25 months, they are deeply woven into the fabric of who I am.

Girlfriends are a gift we give ourselves in order to move forward in life. They are an infinite reminder that we are not alone. They are the congregate sum of all our life’s experience. Friends mirror back to us all that we are so that we can continuously and consciously re-align ourselves with our personal truth.