Discipline is a word that conveys a strong image in the mind of all who hear it; for me there is even a bodily reaction to the word discipline. I begin to tighten, my defenses go up and I prepare to protect my autonomy from outside invaders. At the same time as a parent and a Preschool Teacher I am faced with situations in which I choose to use discipline for safety, security, learning, group harmony and ease. The past two years I have sought a better understanding of the word discipline and how I can develop a form of discipline that I am comfortable with.

In the past, discipline has been used in a heavy-handed way to control the actions of others. In fact our culture still often uses discipline in this way and it is this heavy handedness that I react to. Choice, autonomy, freedom and self-expression are valuable needs to me and I have been vocal about this since I was a young child. I reacted to attempts at discipline with fierceness that I did not understand until I was an adult. Now I understand that I needed to trust that I would be heard and respected, that my right to make choices was protected. I also understand now that children need the firmness of discipline in order to feel secure and loved.

To bring together my understanding of the needs for security and choice in relation to discipline I decided to research other people’s work on discipline; beginning with the work of Magda Gerber at http://www.rie.org/discipline.htm. Magda approaches discipline of children from a place of understanding children’s developmental needs, parents and caregiver’s responsibilities and the long-term implications of our choices in raising children. Magda begins with a definition of the word disciple, which I have paraphrased here. Discipline has at its root the word disciple: one who learns from and carries forth the work of a learned master. Discipline is therefore the work set forth by the master to guide and correct the actions of the disciple. I feel more relaxed when I look at discipline in this context as well as slightly alarmed at the implications this holds for me as an adult caring for and guiding young children.

The relaxation comes from my taking a word, an idea and giving it new meaning; holding it to the light for re-examination and finding the jewel hidden inside. Of course as young children we come to the world needing varying degrees of care and structured guidance. Without this our development is stunted; we can grow outwards but never grow up. The form or structure of discipline allows us to progress to higher levels of achievement which in turn releases us from the need for that form and structure. When we bump up against the walls of discipline we know someone cares enough about us to stand between us and danger or discomfort and then bolstered by that knowledge we are encouraged to shift our responses to ones that supports our continued development. My understanding of discipline in this way helps me welcome it into my life so I can continue to grow while guiding the children in my life as well.

I am also deeply humbled by the thought of discipline as a guiding of the disciple. I question my right to be in such a role and wonder if I have truly learned enough to guide others. I have begun to understand that much of the discipline I use in work and at home is in fact the example I lead by. The way that I speak to others, the caring I provide, the food choices I make, the rest I take; everything I do is a form of discipline that I am sharing with the children. As Teacher and Parent I step into the role of master and I must be prepared for this each day; which includes, understanding when it is time to firmly guide, redirect and stop behaviours that are not in the best intetest of the child, myself or others involved in the situation. When I am using discipline in this more overt form there needs to be a resolve in my decision that is conveyed through my words, my body and my actions. Discipline does not require anger but it does require resolute, consistent and conscientious attention to the situation as it presents it self. I have a better understanding of discipline now that allows me to meet each challenging situation or behaviour with an inner understanding of my role in guiding the outcome. Discipline is no longer a word I react to with fear and loathing instead I welcome the opportunity for growth.