There is much written today about not becoming attached to both our human and our pet friends. The art behind learning this can take a life time. Some of you may be a little ahead of others. Some might even be faking the symptoms of ‘arriving.’ To those that have found that peaceful place, I ask you to send your loving support to those who haven’t. The pain felt is very real… the pain can and will engulf a heart when it is able.

In the west, and I’ve written of this before, we tend to humanize our pets. This can lead to even deeper emotional ties which can become overwhelming when the pending loss eventually arrives. Today I’m not pointing a finger… today I’m simply saying, “I understand.” Your grief may have taken on a dimension far bigger than others will comprehend.

Even without anthropomorphizing, when you lose your pet to “death,” you may need a time to grieve the loss. Pets need daily care; you spend hours of your time in their presence. They share (hopefully) your joyous times and your sadder times. Then suddenly they are gone. Some so suddenly that you don’t see it coming… others slowly fade away to old age and lingering good-byes.

My friend was devastated and guilt ridden when family needs drew her away from her wee dog’s last moments. Deb had loved Little-Bit for fifteen years; was the pup feeling alone during her last moments? I hope not. Perhaps she needed her beloved owner to leave her for those few minutes in order to make the separation from physical to spiritual. With all Deb’s love cushioning her, she moved on. Feel the sorrow of loss my dear friend… but I encourage you to drop the regret and guilt. Little-Bit left the way that worked best for her.

Grief can be like a season in your life. I once read a book called, Don’t Waste Your Sorrows. When a wave of pain comes, go deep into the moment… immerse yourself in the beautiful loving feelings you shared with your pet. Smile… even if a bitter sweet one. Laugh out loud at some of the funny memories. Indulge in a quick outburst of emotions. For precious moments touch that place in your heart where the two of you share a oneness. Then with a whispered, “I miss you,” let their love strengthen you, not weaken you. I think they will like that.

Looking over my life, I always had some type of paws leaving footprints. But for some of you reading, we won’t forget those pets that have tails, feet, or hooves, but no official paws. As we explore the many, varied critters that touch lives, may we all find a warm, heartfelt response.

As in anything that is just giving birth, this column will grow and mature as the weeks pass. I welcome emails that help with the direction it takes. Let’s make it “our” column, not just mine. Send your questions, send your answers, and send your warm fuzzy stories. If I can be so bold to edit and use them, we will see a tale unraveling that will form the heart of this column, a heart that beats in tune with you, my readers.

Rocky was a mid-sized dog who wandered into my life when I was about nine or ten years old. He was a mixed breed… looked kind of like a smooth-haired border collie. To be honest, I’m not sure how my family acquired him. I don’t remember any facts about his life and why he wasn’t with us long. But I do know that I have a picture of him sitting proudly between my brother and me. I do know that he keeps a firm ‘paw hold’ in my heart.

Many of us have such stories from childhood. A passing furry friend who influenced our lives, yet we’re not even sure why. My childhood memories are scanty, but most of them revolve around a critter of some kind. There was Freddy, my frog- how I cried when I found he’d escaped his confines during the night… such tiny paws he had. Then there were the beautiful cricket-like grasshoppers I caught. To this day I am still not sure what they are. But they were large, sang when they flew, and I filled countless hours of my time catching them. I didn’t know what they ate so I never kept them for long. But they had the tiniest of feet, not quite paws, but children rarely care about such things; so in this column, I won’t either. After all… don’t our pets often bring out our childlike side?

Let Paws for Thought touch your heart, stir your memories, give you tips for happier pets, and perhaps lead you to a better understanding of why some owners love pets that you still find less desirable. Isn’t it wiser to accept, than to reject through plain ignorance or fears? May this column be enjoyable reading, but may it also become, as its title infers, something that truly has you, pause… for thought.

Consider the wolf pack (our dogs’ DNA is almost identical); they faithfully follow their leader when they leave their den. Our dogs need to do the same. Although exercise needs can vary between breeds, walking daily will not only create a much happier dog, but a more natural connection between owners and pets. Playing with your dog can be great fun, but it will not replace the benefits of every day walks.

So why do so many dog owners avoid walking? I’m sure that if I had all your reasons, we’d have a very creative list! At least one hour a day is recommended, but any effort made with your dogs can benefit both of you.

Many of you were raised my loving parents who took care of your physical needs but left you feeling unloved and misunderstood. Ask yourself, “What is my motive in walking my dog?” “Am I just doing my duty?” “Am I using my dog as an excuse to get my own exercise and dragging ‘him’ along to suit my own personal agenda?” “Am I leaving my dogs off leash and allowing them to wreak havoc with other dog walkers in the area?” If so… you may be missing out on a very special part of pet owning… the real interaction between dog and human.

I do a lot of dog sitting for my clients; and I find the daily walk is the main focus of my stay. Walking dogs that are yanking my arm isn’t fun. I need to carefully consider letting them off leash too, as the odds are they won’t come when they’re called. But once I establish myself as their respected leader, there is such joy in watching the connection that quickly builds between us. Suddenly the walk becomes a team effort and a pleasure.

Training isn’t about obedience; it’s about establishing leadership in a way that your dogs will understand. I’ve found that dogs will do anything for a leader they respect. Imagine the benefits to your own life if you become such a leader! Walks become an enjoyable occurrence between friends. You can head down town (if city laws allow it), or out to the hills. Your dog can be trusted off lead or on. You become a responsible pet owner whom others don’t mind meeting on their own walks. “Man’s best friend” again teaches us that in giving we richly receive back.

Getting to this place is not as difficult as it sounds. A shift in leadership (and maybe a little help from a good trainer) can go a long way. People are annoyed with poorly behaved dogs; yet your dogs need their walks. So lead your dogs on your daily walks; earn both their respect and your community’s.

Most wild pets naturally gain our respect and attention. Care is taken to understand them. Why? Because presuming that we know what they need and think can get us physically hurt…needed trust can be forfeited. Most domestic pets have lost this connection with their owners.

Anthropomorphizing is a big word that means ascribing human characteristics to something not human. Are we trying to humanize the loving pets we bring into our homes? In some areas our actions do little harm; but in others, our pets are paying a high price for our over indulgences.

In your own human neediness, do you turn to your pets with your emotional demands? Most pets desire to please… often at the cost of their own happiness. If your pets become rather neurotic, you often laugh, not realizing that your own actions are causing an imbalance within them.

Throughout your life you have experienced situations where fellow humans have hurt and misunderstood you. In an attempt to comfort yourself, you turn to your pet, possibly doing the same thing to them that people have done to you. You hurt them by misunderstanding what their real needs are. Onus is placed on them to adapt to YOU. You of course make sure they are fed and physically cared for. But they, like us, are more than just another physical body.

I admire (with perhaps a healthy fear) the wild mountain lions and wolves. Like Tawni’s owner did, I long to meet them. Why? I’m drawn to the beautiful energy of confidence I see in them. I also understand that to interact with them, I must offer them a reason to cooperate with me.

In general, our house pets are not offered the same opportunity of cooperation. We rudely scoop up those small enough… we tie up or lock up those that get in our way; we take out our emotional moods on them, convinced that they understand us… we presume a lot… because we want to… and we can.

Our house pets are willing to compromise more than most wild pets will. You can still keep much of the interactions you have. But for their sakes, at least start to watch for where you over-attach human personalities, when they don’t exist in reality.

This article has a two-fold purpose. First, “A well done,” to those who realize that their pets are not humans, and a wake-up call to the rest of you. Take a close look at Tawni’s picture. If you were in the same room, how would you communicate with her? Your pets need you to remember their wild heritage. Stop any tendency to anthropomorphize them; instead, understand their non-human state.

Through touching a special place in your hearts, pets help keep balance in your daily life. When they are suddenly removed for any reason, you can be hard pressed to keep that “much desired” stability. While traveling, I needed the excitement of seeing that cute hamster; the laughter that bubbles up inside when I remember how crazy I must have looked still has a positive effect on me. Pets help you to remember that life is for living… and that they find their own pleasure in watching you laugh and enjoy yourself. I haven’t looked for studies that verify that ALL pets feel this joy, but I can’t imagine that your good feelings would not influence, in a positive way, any critter you share your happiness with.

Pets of all kinds can take us to that loving place within, where joy bubbles and love abounds. I once rescued, for a week, a hornet trapped on my office window. The fall season was at an end and death was pretty inevitable. It was too cold outside for me to release the hornet so I cut up an apple and fed him. I still smile at the memory of him suddenly perking up and flying around.

Just as my girl friend phoned, Henry, as I’d named him, landed on the back of my head. To her words of, “Kill it,” I ran through the house to the closest mirror, laughing hysterically as I hollered into the phone for her to hold on a minute. I gently reached the phone antennae to a place in front of Henry so that he could climb aboard. With him perched on the end, I returned Henry to the office. He passed on a few days later. But here I am, years later, still reaping the benefits of that lovely sense of “pet for a season” that he left me with. I must ask my girl friend if she remembers.

Any critter who can awaken within you that gentle, happy, exuberant, caring, loving part of your being is serving a greater purpose in your life. Some pets stay with you longer than others; some need more care than others. Regardless, I believe that most will bring you great joy and stability when you need it most. Just look around… there is a pet hiding in the craziest of places if you check closely. Fill its life with fun and laughter and discover how much your own sorrows lessen while your quality of life improves.