“I’m baaaaaack! I’m baaaack in the saddle again! I’m baaaack!….” Put that to the tune and trash-talking, ear-haranguing lyrics of Aerosmith, and you’ll only half grasp the never-ending soundtrack I affectionately call my head. I’m back in the saddle again.

After a six month respite to both market my book and question the intelligence of the Universe, I’m finally back to what I truly love… writing. Not that writing is necessarily easy to prioritize in my life. For some reason, cleaning out my Inbox, dusting the light fixtures, and filing my grocery receipts seem to have a far greater emotional pull. Perhaps because my Inbox, light fixtures, and grocery receipts have made it abundantly clear they have very low expectations of me. They’re not asking for perfection. They’re not even asking for my heart and soul. Apparently, this works for me. It’s a relationship based on the mutual need to be productive without feelings of attachment or disappointment. Sheesh… I must really be afraid of commitment.

Writing and publishing a book has left me more open and vulnerable than a bullfrog in a blender. It’s left me hanging on the words and feedback of complete strangers and has shaken my belief and understanding of Self. It’s made me realize that the relationship with myself has been embarrassingly tied to the thoughts and opinions of others. And I don’t wear insecurity well. Dress that up with a pair of black socks and sandals and you might as well call me certifiable.

Not that my book has been met with criticism. In fact, the feedback I’ve received has been nothing but favourable. Believe me, I’ve grown. But I think every author goes through a process of deconstruction and rebuilding when they first release something as personal as a book—especially if it’s been a life-long dream. Reality is rarely conducive to the fruition of a thirty-year fantasy. Patience that surpasses all understanding becomes a daily, weekly, and monthly mantra.

So what does that have to do with my column? I guess it’s just a prelude to the awareness that as I have changed and evolved over the past six months, so has my message. What has become intrinsically clear to me is that writing a column for the past four years hasn’t been a one-way conversation. Unbeknownst to me, it’s been an exercise in building relationships with each and every one of you. At book signings and other gatherings over the summer, it has been a humbling experience to meet people who know me personally, and yet I know nothing about them. I want to know more about you and your life experiences. I would love to make my column more interactive and an opportunity to answer questions, comment on feedback, and get to know you better. And I promise to do that with the same wit, sarcasm, and insight I have shared in the past. I’m better for it.

So if you have questions or stories you want to share regarding relationships with others or Self that you believe would be suitable for the entertainment of all, please contact me at arlenadebruin@hotmail.com and if appropriate, I’ll use your input for future columns.

I look forward to your questions, comments, and wild and zany tales!